Let Me Help You
by lockerdreams
Summary: He was scared. Utterly mortified. And Jacob didn't know why. But he brought this poor soul to his home in order to help him. But by the time he got to know him, he didn't know anymore if he could. He might be a lost cause, but Jacob promised that he would never stop trying. / Discontinued /
1. Chapter 1

I found him from the forest.

I was walking through the thick, green woods next to La Push. The beach in the reservation. You couldn't hear the massive ocean's waves colliding to the cliffs anymore, that's how deep I was in the forest.

Green light penetrated through the branches and made everything look incredible and so _green_. Every piece shined and glistened with the morning dew.

Then the sight stopped me abruptly. The sickeningly bony features of the boy's back halted, when he heard me. His back was to me and he was in a fetal position, lying on his side on the wet grass next to a huge tree. He was wearing a white t-shirt that was covered with filth and mud. So were his jeans too. I couldn't see his head, because his chin must've been so close to his chest.

I went to him, but stopped again when he was making moves to get away from me. "Hey, it's alright. I'm not going to hurt you. My name is Jacob Black. I live in the reservation. This is actually a part of it. Can I help you? Take you there so I can call somebody for you", I told him uncertainly. I waited for his reaction. There was any in a long time.

Then he spoke aloud. "Please, leave me alone", he pleaded in a soft, velvety voice. But that beautiful voice voice filled with weakness and fear. It made me worry and even scared for this boy.

"Please, let me help. I can't just leave you out here. It's probably going to rain soon too", I replied to him and decided to just turn him around. He instantly struggled to move from his tense position to get away from me. His head turned to me as he tried to get away and I saw him.

I think he was about well over fifteen years old at least. He had a pale, thin, but gorgeous face and eyes greater green than the forest, filled with absolute terror. His liquidy emerald eyes expressed so much, but something that I couldn't tell. They were wide open and the pupils dilated. Long, black lashes circled around them. And on top of his eyes the brown, defined eyebrows were frowned and also expressed fear upon his stunning face.

His hair was magnificent. It had a strange red colour to it. But it wasn't really red, more of a bronze colour. Maybe it just had many different colours to it, but it definitely was something else. Some of it had fallen down to his forehead and eyes, but more of it was just in a messy disarray, sticking out in different directions. There was some dry leaves and little sticks in his hair. It shined in the light golden.

I was so fixated on his beauty that only after a while I noticed his ultimate fear. Of me. His bony chest heaved in panicked breaths and his eyes glistened in unshed tears. What had happened to him? Why did he look so scary skinny and why was he so afraid?

I raised my hands up to show him I didn't want any harm for him. "Hey, man it's okay. I won't hurt you. Just let me get you out of here", I told him. I really wanted to help this poor soul whatever was his problem. At least get him out of the forest. He just gazed me in the same way, but his breaths started to even out and he didn't shake that badly anymore.

I held out a hand to him, but then noticed that he had blood on his shirt and hands. Where was that blood coming from? "You're injured?" I asked, though I was pretty much sure about it. He looked at his hip and then nodded with his eyes back to me. He quickly licked his bluish, dry lips. They looked so sensual. Though they did have a few cracks with dried blood.

I noted also that his right leg's ankle was twisted in unnatural way. It looked very painful. He could not walk with that. "You need a doctor", I stated and lowered myself so I could lift him. He noticed my intentions and shrunk away again.

"Hey, seriously. I promise you, I'm not going to do anything to harm you. Really. I'll help you, okay. Let me carry you out of here", I coaxed and gently put my arm around his small torso and the other under his knees. I stood up easily and started to walk out of the forest to my house. He practically weighed nothing, which indeed worried me. So I hoped he will be getting the care he need, when he gets to the hospital. He seemed to be a bit uncomfortable and tried to make himself even smaller, I guess to make it easier for me to carry him.

"So what's your name?" I decided to ask halfway there. I thought it would be good to know. "Edward", he answered in a very tiny voice. "Nice to meet you, Edward. Though I do hope we would have met under a better circumstances", I replied and smiled hoping to comfort him. He still looked to be afraid.  
I know that with my build I might look a little intimidating to some people, but really I'm not violent at all. Unless it's Paul or Quil annoying me. I might punch them times like those, but they punch right back too. And I'm not really that big, though in consideration that I'm only sixteen, then yes. But my whole family is like that. We grow muscles fast. What can I do?

We are close to my home. It's like a red cottage and looks a little shabby. I take us to the front door and open it. No one is home thankfully. I'm quite sure he would freak out even more if there were lots of people like there usually is under my humble above. I hope he believes me already that I want nothing bad to happen to him. I'm afraid that he thinks that I'm kidnapping him or something.

I layid him on the tiny couch and ask if everything is alright like that. He nodded. Good. "I'm going to ring the hospital, okay", I said and went for the phone next to the door. "Uh, could you... Ah, I just, I really wouldn't like to go the hospital. So can I maybe borrow you something for my leg?" he asked suddenly sounding wary. "I don't know if I have anything for it. If I tried to get some doctor to visit here? Would that be alright?" I suggested raising my brows and glanced at him over my shoulder, the phone already in my hand "Um, I guess so", he granted.

I phoned the hospital and they agreed that a doctor could make a home-visit. They sent Carlisle Cullen. He's a wealthy man I know who lives quite close to us and has a glamorous home. He has a lovely wife Esme and three kids: Emmett, Jasper and Alice. None of them are related and so Jasper and Alice had gotten together. It's pretty weird, but the students of the Forks high school have gotten used to it also.

I sat on the armchair and fiddled with my hands, but then realized. "Oh, sorry. Could I offer you a glass of water or something?" I asked and looked at him. He still looked scared as always. "Yes, water, please. Thank you", he said. I stood back up and went to get him water. I also took wet hand towel so he could press that to his wound.

"Here you go. And you can try to clean the cut with this", I told him and gave him them. "Thank you", he said and took a sip of the water and then pressed the towel against his wound. It was on his left hip thats bone popped out of his skin really bad. But the cut didn't look that deep fortunately, but it was pretty long.

I heard a knock from the door. It must've been the doctor. I went to answer it and the he was. Doctor Cullen. I had to admit that he was a pretty handsome fellow with blond hair and sporty, but sophisticated feel to him. He was pretty young, but was over twenty-five at least. "Good day, Dr. Cullen", I greeted with a little smile. "Good day to you too, Jacob. Someone's injured I heard", he said and I let him in completely.

Then Dr. Cullen just stopped to his tracks with his back to me and gasped. Edward's eyes widened into great extensions and even his mouth opened a bit. His whole body began to tremble slightly. "Edward", Dr. Cullen breathed. He knew this boy? Maybe he had helped him before too, but why this reunion was this shocked?

"Father?" he questioned shakely. "Son", Dr. Cullen said with a sigh. So that was the deal.

I never knew Dr. Cullen would have a third son. What had happened to him? Seriously? Had he been kidnapped or something? I was full of questions, but I knew they must have had loads for each other already. So I let them have a their endearing reunion, and watched them from the side as they gathered close to each other. I would have my chance again.


	2. Chapter 2

"Please baby, you're talking nonsense. Please calm down", I pleaded with him in my arms.

He was shaking terribly and I tried to calm him desperately. The small bed in my room that I had turned into a twin bed, squeaked with the bad work and the Edward's horrendous trembling. I didn't know why or how it happened, but it did happen from time to time. And it was terrible in all senses.

"I didn't want to go. I didn't. It's just... they took me. I couldn't fight. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I tried to, but they held so _tightly. _I'm so sorry. I didn't want to go. I wasn't supposed to go. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I promise I won't leave ever again. But Jacob! What if they take me? If they come and take me! I can't fight them! They know that! They're gonna take me! Jacob! They will take me again! I don't want to go! Please Jake! Help!" his voice reached the hysteric notes and at the end it was almost as he was screaming. But his voice betrayed him and it broke into pieces.

His distress and fear made my heart ache and break for him. It was just plainly awful how he was. How bad he felt. Pain and terror covered his beautiful face and nothing could past it. And just that I tried to do. I needed to get him into his senses. "You're safe Edward. No one will take you away. You're safe now. I'm here, I'll protect you. No one can take you away from me", I told him and my muscular arms that surround his tiny frame tighten around him, to make him feel also that I'm here. And more importantly: he is here.

"No, no one can help me. They will come. I know that. I'm so sorry Jacob. I'm so sorry. I don't want them to. I don't want to leave", he's starting to cry and with the quick shallow breathing included it sounds like he's drowning in his own tears.

"Edward, I need you to come out of it. You're fearing for nothing and I don't want you to. Please, sweetie. There's nothing to be afraid for now", I said my own voice full of emotion too. I pressed his head against my chest and began to stroke his back with my other hand. The bones in his back are still the same, too visible and sharp like when I found him from the forest three months before, and make me wonder how he's still standing. And he's not. He's collapsed and only I can try to hold him together. Glue him back together times like these.

But as I hold him together, he is also my salvation. I've been looking for something. I've lived such a good life. Everyone who loves me is around me and stay there and care for me. Yes, my mom is gone. But I was so young that I barely remember her. Though of course I love her, because she carried me and gave me a life and who couldn't love the one who gave the other one the gift of life.

So I had been looking for something. Someone who I could give my love for that I had been given to share. Now I had found that someone. But sometimes I fear if it's enough for him. Can I give him everything he needs? I care for him, I love him dearly, I'd do anything for him, give him anything he could ask, be anything for him, protect him from what he fears. But can he accept it? Can he laugh or even smile at my jokes? Does he believe me, when I tell him he's safe?

He's only shivering now, but when I rose his head to see his eyes I still see the constant feral fear in those impossibly green, glossy orbs. His lips are quivering as he fought against the sobs. I cup both of his pale, hollow cheeks and stare straight into his eyes with remorse. Why couldn't I heal him?

"I love you, Edward. I won't let anything harm you. No more", I tell him strongly. He looked at me back uncertainly. "I promise you. I won't let you go", I tell him again. Eventually he gave a slight nod and pressed his back against my chest. And so it was over again. The shivering stopped, however I pulled the comforters around us betterly. He was always so _cold. _

The morning lighted my petite room. The twin bed I'd made for us, which weren't very good as I had only made it from wood I got in the carriage, took all the possible space. Now only the closet and the little stol fitted in my room. I wanted Edward to have a better place than this one. I didn't want him to have his frail body to ache everytime he laid on the bed and wake up to it or not even being able to fall asleep to it. Or feel claustrophobic like being in a cell room.

But he said that he wanted this. That this was the only place he wanted to be in. Carlisle, Edward's father said that he could move to their home, because it indeed was Edward's home even though he has never lived in it. But what Edward had replied to him had shocked me at least. I mean of course he first lived with them and recovering. But me and him had gotten a bit close that while. He revealed that he felt smothered and suffocated in there with his parents and siblings he barely knew.

After discussions it had been decided that he would come live with me. I had a soft spot for him and he trusted me. We got even _closer. _It was strange. I'd never felt anything like it with anyone else. After a month I bared my feelings to him. He kind of compiled to it and let me love him. He mumbled something about that he liked me as well. But I was afraid that he just wanted to please me, because he was in such a vulnerable state. I didn't want to use him or make him feel like I was doing so. But I couldn't help myself but to love him even more, when I got to know him deeper past through the horror and eternal fear in his mind.

He was witty, kind, smart, very clever indeed, caring and thoughtful and affectionate. And delicate as a porcelain doll. He was so fragile in every way. He could easily lose his balance with his emotions. And just looking at him made me want to catch him and enfold him into the most soft and thick blankets so he wouldn't break from the dangerous world around him.

I often wanted to keep him _home, _well my home, but it would be his now too I think. Just so he wouldn't harm himself any way. I might be a little possessive and over-protective of him, but it's just because he needs it. And I don't think he minded really.

Now the history of Edward is still a bit mysterious for me. He hasn't been able to tell me everything before getting a panic attack. Something similar to the one he just had. But what I and Carlisle were told at the hospital - yes, we took him to the hospital after-all, because Carlisle demanded it without even blinking at Edward's protests - and what they told was that Edward had been physically abused. And of course emotionally and psychologically too.

Carlisle revealed that, when Edward was about fifteen years old he had had to been sent to a psychiatric hospital, because he had been acting so gloomy and distracted and uninterested at home. He had got a diagnosis about a severe depression there. At that time they were living in Chicago still. And he was the reason they moved to Forks.

Edward had been kidnapped. Some lunatic, however not one of the patients, but from the staff had taken him to some isolated place from the hospital with intentions of scaring the boy for life. And that bastard had accomplished it. She gave him untested drugs. Now she was a drug dealer of some sorts. Or a maker. She wanted to create something special that would sell better than any other drug. She examined them on him and also making him addicted to them and he wanted nothing else after that.

But what she didn't accomplish was to create that drug and got frustrated with that. And who she took that frustration on? Edward of course. She abused him in other ways. There were no other signs on him, but starvation and he wouldn't tell us what those ways were. I wasn't sure I wanted to know either, but what I wanted was to make him feel better. And I knew that opening up would help him.

Edward was just fifteen at the time and in a vulnerable stage already so taking advantage of him was easy to her. She shattered his sanity. And turning sixteen, he had already lost himself and believed every insult she could give him, when she went spare.

During Edward's absence his family tried to find him absolutely, but couldn't. And they couldn't bare that they didn't find him and didn't know what had happened to him. A year later _she_ as a part of the facility's staff convinced them that Edward had committed a suicide. Police started to investigate more on her and how she was the only one who knew about it and now that he had disappeared. After that she vanished before the police got more clues. They couldn't find her.

The Cullens tried to escape the hurt of it all and moved to a distant and a isolated place. _Forks. _And what a coincidence was it that that was the same place _she _chose.

Edward told that the day he escaped from her, from the little cottage in the middle of the forest, she had taken the wrong dose of drugs and accidently killed herself. He had struggled against the restraints and finally gotten out of them. Then he just took off disoriented. But he hadn't been in the best shape and hurt himself while wandering through the forest.  
And then I had found him.

He never told us anything specifically and in detail, I guess he just wasn't ready for that. But what I didn't understand at all was, why did he talk about _her _in "them"? He was afraid of "them", never during his attacks he said "her".

Was he telling us the truth about his kidnapper? Were there many people who hurt him? It just made me even more angry.

Edward has fallen asleep in my embrace and I turn him so he can lay on the bed even though it's not very much softer. So I lay myself on the bed too and then lift his light form on top of me, so he could enjoy the heat and softness of me.

As he sleeps there finally serene I thought to myself that if I'll be never able to find the ones who hurt my Edward, then I'd at least keep him forever safe in my arms. I'm strong and brave and I have only him to protect and he's the only one who I need and love. It's simple really. He is my everything.

I touch him ever so slightly and trace his apparent bones with my fingers in a comforting manner and I feel him relax even more on me. It feels so good to have him so close. His smooth, silky, perfect skin is tantalizing and almost makes me wanna lick him. But it's enough to have him here, where he needs to be. Safe.


	3. Chapter 3

Edward's body is starting shift around on me. He's probably going to wake up soon from his nap.

The light coming from the window is dimming and soon it's gonna get dark and pitch black. Plus there is a lot of trees around my home so whatever light can come through the thick branches so it's not surprising at all if the night seems to come earlier than usual in here than elsewhere in this town.

It is kind of odd, when you think about it, that Edward can stay here with me surrounded by the woods when it's so much like the place where he was captivated. It wouldn't even be weird if he wanted to get out of the town or the whole fucking state. But still he's here. With me. Could I possibly be the reason he's still here? I've never asked him before.

Edward's not as relaxed as he was moments ago and his muscles are getting tense again. Getting ready to flee if necessary. It breaks my heart. It must wear him out. Most times he can't even relax in his sleep. Poor boy.

"Darling, are you up already?" I ask in a whisper, though I know his awake. If I didn't know that for certain, I wouldn't ask and bug him by waking him up with that.

He usually takes his nap in the afternoon five and _maybe _wakes up at seven or just sleeps till it's morning again. You might think that's boring for me, but actually it isn't. And if I got something to do that day, those a times are good for doing them without leaving his side while he's conscious. But really I just want to be near him all the time, sleeping or not, keep him safe and surrounded by love. I know he hasn't gotten that nearly enough before. I'm trying to show him affection he couldn't even dream of, when he was captured and taken to that cabin and tortured by "mean words", bullying and abuse.

"Hmm", he hummed as a grant. His fluffy mess of silky hair hid his face as he rub it against my chest. I hold him tighter trying to get impossibly closer. He lifted his chin on my chest and looked at me with those big, beautiful, sad eyes.

"Do you want to get up?" I asked him and ran my fingers through his bronze/copper locks. It was heavenly.

"Do you have something to do again?" he asked calmly. But I was surprised. "You know that I work while you sleep?" He nodded, then lowered his haunting eyes. "I'm sorry about that. I don't mean you to waste your time on me, keeping you from doing what you need, want to do."

I was a bit shock to say at least. But it was nothing out of ordinary for him to think things like that about himself and always blaming himself.

"You don't make me 'waste' my time. I always want to be with you. Especially when you're awake, but very much too when you sleep. I just want to cuddle you, when you sleep. But I see it as a convenient time to do my stuff. It's more your sake I do that. If I could I would always be with you right there, right by your side. I truly wish it was like that. But it isn't unfortunately."

"So you would want to be with me, just for me?"

I was selfish although I don't want to be, but sometimes people want that. He was something appropriate to be selfish about. So I will tell him the truth.

"No. I want to be with you. I want to be by your side. And I like to think you like it too when I am." His green eyes rose and seemed pierce to my soul with their intensity. He was clearly checking if I was telling him the truth. And I was. His eyes' intensity started to falter away as they found out what they were looking for. It turned to incomprehension.

"Why?" he asked in a quiet, broken voice. His eyebrows wrinkled in the middle. I raised my back from the bed and at the same time raising him too. He was startled by it, but as I hold him to chest still he adjusted himself on my lap. His cheek was pressed against my chest, just below my chin. His hair tickled me nicely.

"I don't think I'll live long enough to explain all the reasons to you. But if you don't mind I will just sum it up for you in three words, okay? You are perfect", I told him looking down at him, trying to find his eyes again. They were fearful somehow, his sensual lips at gape.

"You don't understand that, do you?" He confirmed it with a slight nod. Shame was obvious on his face. He tried to obviate me from touching him then by trying to get up. I didn't want to force him to be in my touch, but when he fell onto the floor - his legs caught in the creases of the blanket - I had to go to him and see if he's alright.

I rushed to his side where he was trying to get up, but his long and thin delicate legs were still tangled in the blanket that fell down with him from the bed. "Oh, are you okay? Edward, are you hurt?" I asked solicitous and uneasy and my hands already caressing him into my arms and to examine if something was wrong.

"I'm fine", he said, his voice just above a whisper, but sounding a little annoyed. "Are you?" I could feel him start to sob at any time. I was so worried about him. "I am!" he yelled suddenly, but just as quick the anger came on him it went away and he began to cry. I pressed his head on my shoulder. I don't think his that hurt physically than emotionally now, so I don't go around getting bandages and healing creams.

"It's okay, darling. It's okay. Let it out. I've got you", I encouraged him, when tries to stop it all from coming and wiped the tears from under his eyes constantly. "You're gonna be okay", I said to him and rocked us on the ground. It was terrible to hear all the sorrow from him, but then again it meant it would be gone from him after this. But I knew that wasn't all of it.

Not even close.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, sun is pouring through the windows again. The window's frosted. Winter's definitely coming. Very quickly shall I add.

"How do you want your eggs?" Edward asks me, his back to me as he's standing over the stove. After the breakdown and couple hours later, serenity fell on our little house and afterwards we drifted off to sleep. And today Edward decided that he would try to make some breakfast for me, hearing the grumbling of my stomach.

"Sunny side up, please", I say smiling. I was glad, this was good. Everything was good again and finally Edward to be calm and at peace. Though there is a nagging thought of he might just do this all because he feels like he needs to. To make thing up with me, when he keeps getting meltdowns and I keep soothing him. Not that I think of it like that. But I bet that's how he sees it, although I hope that's not it. I wish things would get better with him and he could get over his past.

But if he wanted to do that, wouldn't he open up to me already? How long does it usually take for a patient to submit into opening up as he should and then start to finally heal? I don't want to rush things up and how long it takes, doesn't matter to me really. I'm just worried he will keep it all inside of him too long, or possibly never open up.

"It's done", he declares and puts a plate in front of me on the wooden table. Everything looks delicious. There's that crispy bacon, two sunny side eggs, perfectly cooked, and a toast with some butter and cheese.

It's not the healthiest option for breakfast, I know that much, but I can't help but devour it all, not when he made it for me and it tastes so good. I show my gratitude for the meal by giving him my biggest smile which he put on my face. His whole demour lifts up. Not that much, but he practically glows from my silent praise. I decide on to thank him properly too by kissing his cheek, when he sits down next to me. "Thank you darling. This tastes amazing! The best breakfast I have ever had", I tell him honestly. He shakes his head but with a smirk playing on his pretty lips.

"You don't need to say that. I already know that. I'm an awesome cook", he says still smiling and blows me away. I have never met this side of him, this playful and a hint smug one. I love it, I adore it. I want more.

"You don't say", I humm and grin at him. His stirring his bowl of fruits with the fork and casts his eyes down bashfully. I see him blushing now. I understand he's not that comfortable at being like he was, but he's getting there. I hope he will soon feel comfortable in his own skin. He shouldn't feel embarrassed about showing me his true colours and being himself. That's exactly what I hope for him to do. He doesn't need to be afraid that I might judge him.

I glanced at him eat while eating myself. His little bowl of fruit looked very sad compared to my plate of awesomeness. It's very clear why he isn't getting any better physically. Of course his breakfast is very healthy and filled with antioxidants and all that good stuff, but there was so little of it and he wasn't having anything else with it either.

My brows knitted together at the centre and I gave a questioning look towards him and his bowl. He offered me the same look, but a more confused one. "What?" he asked between bite of an orange piece and a kiwi.

"Aren't you just gonna stay hungry after eating that?" I ask. He seemed like he couldn't comprehend what I was saying at first. "No. I'll be just fine, thank you very much", he answers sounding quite annoyed.

"Okay, Edward. But remember what your dad told you at your last check-up. And you got one today. You don't want to disappoint him?" I say to him pointedly. I don't like to persuade him like that, but it's one certain way to get him to do as told, when it's about his health. Of course no one should order him around, but when it's the best thing for him and he doesn't listen to you, you got to do what's the most effective way.

His face saddened and immediately I regretted saying what I did. But bite my tongue not to apologize right away. I will, when he understands what I said and gets to it, then I will apologize him. It pains me to the core, how the joy that finally got to him vanished so easily from my words. That I am the cause of it and I can't protect him from myself and what will probably and eventually save him.

"No", he mumbles and puts his fork down and doesn't pick it up again. Instead he gets up and takes the bowl into the fridge. Great, like that helps. No he lost his appetite and is doing the exact opposite that I and the doctors hoped he would do.

I think I'll have to cook from now on to make sure he will eat enough, even though he's much better in the kitchen than me.

"Eddie..." I start but the frustrated and angry look on his face stops me. I've met many sides of him today it seems.

"I'll eat later. You don't need to look after me, you know. You've got your own life to enjoy. You won't find happiness from mine, I assure you." With those shocking words he turns his back to me and walks through the front door. I jump up from my seat and... look after him. He's only walking to the beach. Hopefully he isn't going too far, I don't want anything bad happening to him.

But right now I feel like I'm the worst person in the world. I shouldn't have said anything. I should have just remind him of going to his appointment today.

"Don't go", I whispered into the chilly air. He's is only wearing his shirt and jeans now, he's going to get a cold. I promised his dad that I would take care of Edward, never let anything bad happen to him. And the appointment is _today!_

But he needs space now. And if I want to be a real partner, I need to let him have it. But if I won't hear from him in an hour, I'm going to go look for him. I can't call him, because he doesn't have a cell phone yet. Which reminds me that I should. He has to be able to contact me if he needs or wants to at any time.

* * *

It's been fifty two minutes since Edward left. Where is he? Is he alright? Has he gone home? To his real home? What if he has passed out? Oh no! He barely ate anything, he doesn't have enough energy for long walks now. Where he could be? Is he on the beach? I have to go look for him. He might freeze in that cold air in those last eight minutes and get severely hurt! What if he's already hurt? He can be unstable at times and when he left, he was all over the place when I think about it. What if he jumped off a cliff? No, no, no, no!

I put my thick, brown jacket on and take another one with me for Edward and leave the house. I walk hurriedly over to the beach that's close to us. It's named La Push. Edward's nowhere to be seen. I'm getting very worried. He usually doesn't do things like this, I don't have a clue what to predict if I find him. "Edward?!" I call for him and look into the forest around the beach. There's no one here, not at this time when winter's coming.

The waves of the dark sea crash loudly to the rocks and the high and steep cliff that rises from the side of the forest. Maybe he has gone to the cliff. I gaze up there, but I can't really see anyone there. I doubt he would go into the woods, to be honest. That's where I found him, scared shitless, so why would he ever want to retreat there?

But I can't see him here so where can he be other than in the forest? He couldn't get into the town by walking. He has nowhere near the energy to do that. But what if he has tried and passed out like I expected?

I shivering violently, but not from the cold. Where is he?!

"Edward!" I yell louder than before. If he's somewhere close, he must hear me. But I don't see him anywhere. I have to go look for him in the forest.

After a mile, getting closer to the hill that starts to get mildly upwards, but then goes quite steep and leads to the top of the cliff. Some crazy people even go diving from there. Real daredevils those are. Not only you might hit the rocks at the bottom, but you might get under those huge, strong waves and never get up no matter how strong you are.

"Edward?!" I call for him again, but this time I get something. Some rustling comes from a tree a few feets away from me. Up from the branches. I look up at the fall coloured leaves of the tree and suddenly I detect a person in there. There's too many leaves to really see who's in there, but I'm sure it's Edward.

"Edward?" I go up to the tree, so close that when I look up, there's no leaves blocking my eyesight from him. "Edward", I sigh in relief.

"You didn't have to come look for me. I'm fine", he says sharply. So he's still mad at me. But it doesn't matter to me anymore. The most important thing is that I found him and he's fine. "Will you came down, darling?" I ask him gently. He looks down at me.

He's one lissome fellow. One of his legs are lifted up against the trunk while his leaning on his side to a thin branch. I'm afraid for that branch to break, but it seems Edward's an expert at tree climbing so I don't feel the need to say anything about it. But if his energy runs out and he doesn't have enough strength to hold himself up... He will fall down and really hurt himself.

His copper hair fits the background perfectly and his piercing green eyes remind me of the leaves of the spruces scattered around the forest.

"Why?"

Why? Why should he come down? Because I want to hold him, make sure he's fine. Make sure he won't be falling down at any moment. He must be cold and I've got a jacket for him.

"I brought you a jacket", I say simply. For a few moments he's very still and silent. But then he climbs down swiftly and I awe at how lithesome he is. I hold up the jacket for him, but it looks like he doesn't trust me and acts very timidly. But finally he takes the jacket and puts it on. "Thanks", he says and looks at me in chary way.

He looks very distant and withdrawn from me and it hurts. I have gained his trust over the weeks and now it seems that I have shattered it completely. I loathe myself for doing that, but I don't understand it either. Why is he like this?

"Edward, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be like that, but I can't help but be concerned about you. I want you to be alright. You're not leaving me any choice, but to follow you even if I invade your privacy, because I'm so worried. I'm constantly thinking what's going on with you and are okay and I'll never know to be sure, when you don't tell me openly", I tell him. I don't want to overwhelm him by my words, but he deserves to know and understand.

"Then I'm sorry. I'm sorry I make you worry, I don't want to, but it seems that I can't help it. Maybe you shouldn't bother with me at all. I don't want you to be stressed all the time, because of me. I care for you too, Jacob and that's why maybe we should keep apart for some time. We might be going too quickly. I'm... I'm not... normal. I know that. But I could try to be. But that will take time, a lot of time, and I don't want you to be waiting for _me _to happen. You should be living your life, not have to be stressing over me like this. It isn't healthy", he tells me in a quiet voice and looks at the ground.

I gape at him in bewilderment. He doesn't want me anymore?

"No, Edward, no. You're not stressing me. I'm fine! I'm better than fine when I'm with you! Please, don't go Edward. No, no..."

He was turning to leave, but stopped. "I'm not leaving you completely. But I think it's better if you we would live apart from now on. I will move back to my parents, who knows maybe it's best for me. It would be the best for you at least. I want you to have a normal life, a carefree one. I want you to be happy and not worry about me. I like you Jacob and I care for you deeply. That's why I'm doing this. I appreciate everything you have ever done for me. You literally saved my life, more than once. You took me under your roof, when you already had your hands full. I can never thank you enough, Jacob", he says and gives sad smile for me.

"Edward, you don't have to do this. Really, it's all alright. I can wait for you. If you want to move, it's fine. But you can stay anyway. I'm not giving up on you. Never. Edward... I-I love you", I confess to him and fidget with my fingers nervously.

He looks to be shaken and lowers his head. "Jacob..."

"You don't have to say it back. But... I just want you to know, that I do. I love you."

"I... I'm sorry", he says and sighs disappointedly and turns away to leave.

I back down to the three with my back to it and slide to the ground. I watch at his extending form, and eventually the sounds of feet walking on the crisp orange and red leaves quiet down, and Edward has vanished between the trees. To the beach, to my home, packing his bags and leaves to another life away from mine.

I weep into my hands until there are no tears to sob.


	5. Chapter 5

It has been two years. Two years of useless time which held nothing interesting for me, because I didn't have Edward by my side. I wanted him there at all times, but that wasn't possible. I saw him only a couple times in three months.

It was his seventeenth birthday today.

I picked up the tiny package wrapped in dark red wrapping paper and put it in a little, white paperbag. I would have been smiling widely if the occasion otherwise wouldn't be so distressing and woesome.

I got inside my car, black Rabbit that I had repaired on my own, and drove off to the main road that would take me to Vancouver. Edward, in the end, had been admitted back to an asylum where they could treat him the best. He had been feeling down and seemed off to everybody and nobody could lift him up. I'd been chagrined and aggrieved when I went to see him at the Cullen's, thinking that I would make him feel better as I had always, but finding out that I couldn't make him feel better and happier as a surprise.

He had made a shocking move when he was found wandering in the forest without any proper outwear, without any shoes in the middle of the winter. He was told not to go out alone, but he had gone without anyone noticing it before it was too late. He was found near a frozen pond, lying in the snow unconscious. That was a year and a half ago.

I had tried to catch up with him, called him numerous of times, but he just wasn't in the mood most of the time, so we never really saw each other anymore. Then one time I got to meet him at my house, I noticed he had cuts on his arms. First I thought he had went through some injury and when I asked him about it, he started stammering and covering up. I realized then that he had afflicted them himself.  
When I dropped him off to his house and his dad came to see me outside, I had to tell him about it. They talked to him about it afterwards. Edward knew it was me who had told them, but he understood why I did it and wasn't mad about it to me although he didn't like how his family had interfered with it and him.

He couldn't stop. His family tried to make it stop, but he always find some way to hurt himself even more. He would go out and wander off into the woods all over again. Freeze in the cold. We would all try to find him, but usually we would come too late and he would already in such state that he eventually landed in the hospital.

He wouldn't talk to any professionals. He wouldn't talk to his family nor me anymore. He shut us all out and stayed in his room, just laying on the bed or on the ground.

The Cullens wouldn't have it. Neither could I. We all agreed that if we couldn't help him on our own, then we would need to take bigger actions. We didn't want to take him there. Not after what had happened before. Edward was absolutely terrified just from the word of an asylum. But we had no other option. At least this time he was in some other asylum.

I sighed heavily at the weather again. It was pouring rain in the whole state of Washington. I was going to drive whole six hours with my windscreen wipers wiping furiously across the screen like that wouldn't annoy me to no ends. I couldn't stand the squeaking sound they made with each wipe.

I snacked on some fruits and chips while on the road and listened to some happy songs. I hope they would make me lighten my mood so that I would be better company for Edward. God, I'm so worried about him. Why did he have to leave me at all? All things went just downwards from that on. He did it for me, then took the fall for himself because of it. And I love him so I follow him wherever he goes, but I think this time he needs to follow me instead. I need to bring him back up.

Thinking of him, the five, six hours go by without me noticing it really and when I get to the institution I'm a bit surprised how quick I got there this time. I park my car between two big, white vans that I feel uncomfortable around. I bet those have straightjackets inside them. I wish Edward has never had to experience that.

I got out and take the little bad with me and eat the last chip before I go in to the clinic. I tell my name and who I'm looking for at the reception and a nurse takes me to his room. I thank the nurse and he continues to walk somewhere else. I hesitate to open the door, not knowing if I'm ready to see him. It's been so long since I've seen him and I don't know how to react to whatever it is behind the white door.

It'll still be my Edward. I doesn't matter how it is. Not in the end. All that matters is that I love him.


End file.
